Break Ups: The Way You Break Up Determines Your Future And Ultimately Your Happiness
Break ups are never fun. Not all relationships will last the distance. This means that you will come across the inevitable break up. More often than not, breaking up with a girl whom you have shared time with is very painful.
The way you handle breaking up with her is crucial to your future happiness and future success with women. If done wrong, this will cause you more pain down the track so it's best to discover how to handle a breakup correctly.
I will discuss what kind of mindset you need to have in order to get through these breakups. I'll give you some real-life examples from my life and I discussed why having the correct mindset is so important.
I Learned The Hard Way
Right from my very first girlfriend I had to learn the hard way about the correct way of breaking up with a girl. It took me over 20 years of falling into and out of relationships before I discovered the best way to handle break ups with girls.
The pain I went through when breaking up with my first girlfriend was very uncomfortable. I did try and be positive however I was hurting bad. I was still in my teens and I was worried about saving face with my friends as well as battling with my overinflated ego.
I thought back then that the best way to overcome the loss of my girlfriend was to go out and get another girlfriend. I did have a few relationships but it was a few years before I had my next serious girlfriend.
My issue was what I was focusing on. By this I mean; what were my predominant thought patterns.
I Was Focusing On My Loss
My mindset after this break up focused on loss. Focusing on this is the worst thing you can do. Because what you focus on is what you get. This creates a downward spiral that affects all areas of your life. Hence the saying, it never rains but it pours.
The focus on the loss after break ups does not let you move on. The longer you continue to focus on the loss the more it eats away at your self-confidence. If you don't get a handle on it this time you will continue to repeat this cycle with the pain of multiplying each time.
In my situation, it was about three years before I had my next serious girlfriend. Yes, along the way I had some harmless flings, but I hadn’t allowed myself to fall in love. Again, with this new girlfriend I repeated the same cycle as my first love, and the pain after the break up was far greater.
Again I focused on the wrong things. I was focusing on the loss.
This cycle climaxed after the break up of my next serious girlfriend. This girl was my dream girl and I turned altering my reality to overcome the pain. It would take another seven years before I would have another serious girlfriend. This relationship lasted seven years and when we broke up I applied a totally different mindset.
What I Changed After Breaking Up With My Last Girlfriend
I had just turned 40, broken up with one of the most amazing girls I have ever met, and fear was raising its ugly head. I was facing a future without the love of my life. It could have been so easy to start to focus on the loss.
But because of my previous relationships I knew there had to be a better way. After all my previous break ups, it was time to move on with my life. It was time to break my cycle; time to learn my lessons. So I took some time to myself and worked on changing what I would focus on.
This time I decided to focus on the exciting adventures I would have and all the new friends I would make along the way.
Even this presented a problem for me because all my friends were now married and bringing up children. In other words I had nobody to go out and party with.
But I was determined to focus on the excitement and all the exciting adventures that lay ahead in my future. To solidify this in my mind I bought myself an exercise book and wrote in my own handwriting how excited I was about the future, about the exciting adventures I was about to embark on and all the new friends I would make.
What happened As A Result Of My Change In Focus
What you focus on is what you get!!!
Over the next 18 months, I made a lot of new friends. Friends that are still good friends today. I had a lot, and continue to have a lot of exciting adventures. And along the way I also managed to meet my current fiancée.
What you focus on is what you get!!!
Why Did This Happen
There were two forces at play that was determining what was happening to me in my life.
1. The first thing was the cycle of the lesson that I needed to learn. Because I was asking more out of life, life wanted to give me more. When you do this your universe responds by giving you the learning lessons you need in order to get more out of life. This is why I continued to go through the cycle of break ups with women. Every time I broke up and focused on loss I hadn't learned my lesson.
Every time I didn't learn my lesson the pain to get the leanings multiplies more. This is what happens. The pain will continue to multiply until you learn the lessons.
2. The second thing was the lesson itself. My lesson was; what you focus on is what you get. This is a universal law and applies to all areas of your life.
Conclusion
If you should find yourself breaking up with your partner you are at a very important juncture in your life. What you choose to focus on will determine what will happen to you in your future. Folks who choose to focus on the negative, will see their life spiral out of control.
If on the other hand, after your break ups, if you choose to see your future as an exciting adventure this is exactly what you will get.
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