Disasterous Date

by Peter
(UK)

The other night I went out on a first date with a girl I met at a club over the weekend. I took her to a bar and bought us a bottle of wine in the expectation of a good evening.

After about ½ hour she told me that she had to go home because she has to pick her brother up from the train station.

I like this girl and feel that I have blown any chance of seeing her again.

How do I change this situation?


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Dear Peter

The advice we give you will sound a little unconventional, however we have a member of our staff who was in this very situation. He managed to turn the situation around and has since married the girl.

Wrong Move: If you contact her and ask her out for another date, it’s game over for you.

Right move: Find a nice way to tell you that she didn’t meet your expectations and that you don’t want to see her again. Find something to pick on her. In our staff member’s situation, he sent the girl an e-mail that went something like this:
‘… I think you are a great girl, however I don’t think we should meet again. What you said about your mother wasn’t cool’

Psychology behind this strategy: When it comes to dating girls have so much choice. The better looking she is, the greater her choice. There are so many guys who want her and she knows it. It’s because of this that she needs to be selective. Of the guys vying for her attention, some will be better looking than you, some will be richer, some taller etc… You simply haven’t managed to distinguish yourself from the selection of guys she has.

All these guys showing interest in her builds her ego, and the better looking the bigger her ego. When a date doesn’t go to plan men try harder to win her affection. For example, they spend more money on her, try the Hollywood movie romantic tricks etc… All this does it so build her ego at your expense. I know, I’ve been in this situation before. When you do this, the underlying message is that you think she is better then you. And she doesn’t want a man that isn’t at least her equal.

You need to stand out. And the best way to do this is to do what the other guys don’t do. Push her away. She isn’t used to this and it will confuse her.

It’s because of her ego that this strategy works. She is not used to having the guy tell her that he doesn’t want to go out with her. Her ego gets in her way and all logic falls to the side.

She already thinks she is better than you and because of this she wants to be the one that makes the decision to drop you, not the other way around. So she use all her feminine power to get the upper hand. She will do this till she has the power and then she will drop you like a sack of potatoes.

I recall personally, when I befriended a stunning Russian girl. For months she had me around her finger and I thought I was being cool. It was until she said something about a friend of mine and I realized that she was playing me just as badly. I lost all reasoning and calmly said to her that as beautiful she was on the outside, she was just as ugly on the inside.

After making this comment she opened up to me and told me that I was her best friend. Nobody had ever said anything like that to her and she appreciated what was said. The friendship didn’t last very long because I wasn’t aware of the psychology at play and as soon as I was her best friend she dumped me like a sack of potatoes.

When you push her away, she will slightly leave the door ajar for you to indicate that she might go out with you again. If this is the case, it’s game on. The next date you go on, you let her know you are going on this date and you expect her to meet your expectations. Now you are sending her a message that you think you are better than she is and she really will put on her A game to test if you are.

Tip – Rule for the 2nd Date: You punish her for bad behavior and reward her for good behavior.

Buy punish her, what I mean is that you disqualify yourself. Other terminology that you might be familiar with is neg her.

For instance, the second date our staff member went on with his future wife just as disastrous. After a few minutes she was checking out other guys. His response to her was that he would never go for her because she was only a 6. This kept the game alive because her ego was attacked again and she needed to figure out how to get the upper hand. It took 3 months of disqualifying himself before she came around.

In your situation, you simply haven’t given her a reason for wanting to be with you. She doesn’t know you and you haven’t managed to show her why you are better than all the other guys showing her interest.